It’s hard to define relationship chemistry, but there’s no mistaking it once you’ve got it: racing pulse, sweaty palms, breathlessly waiting for the phone to ring. You may be the most independent woman on the block, but when good chemistry strikes, it’s easy to feel a head-over-heels compulsion to be with your man.
So what exactly is chemistry? “It’s a pull toward somebody that’s sexual and romantic in nature, or one of the two,” says Dr. Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle. “You are just really interested in that person right away.”
This feeling coincides with release of a heady chemical cocktail mixed up by our own bodies, according to HowStuffWorks. The brain releases copious amounts of dopamine and norepinephrine, a combination that produces elation, intense energy, sleeplessness, craving, decreased appetite and focused attention.
According to Schwartz, chemistry also involves a nonrational physical and emotional element, which explains why we sometimes experience surprising chemistry with unlikely candidates. And if you’ve found a great guy but don’t feel any sparks, don’t despair – a blaze may flare up in time.
“You have to give yourself time [to] do things that enhance the relationship and see if something grows,” says Schwartz. “Some people think it’s either there in the beginning or it will never grow—I’m not so sure about that. In my own life it certainly has grown in time.” Schwartz recounts such experiences in her new memoir, “Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years.”
So the moral of the story is: If you feel rapport with a guy but he doesn’t make you weak at the knees, hold off before dropping him in the “friend” file. But if you’re several months into the relationship and things are still luke-warm, it may be time to move on to someone with whom you feel that irrational, unmistakable, irreplaceable spark.
3 Comments
Cindi, it’s in his kiss!
Well you know by the way he acts around you. Even if he trys to play it cool, he will make it apparent. This one guy, that is interested in me, always compliments me, uplifts and speaks highly of me. It’s the small things that you can look for. We haven’t even kissed yet, but when I kiss his cheek, it drives him wild(and me too)! When he recently went on vacation out of state, he made it a point to keep in touch the ENTIRE trip. Men tend to be visual creatures. As Matt stated in the book, we get categorized one of two ways, would or would not sleep with.
It is our duty as women to get the men to fall in love with our minds, spirits, and personalities BEFORE becoming too physical.
I am currently on that quest right now. I really am interested in this one. Wish me luck.
Yea, but how do you know if he feels it, too. {without asking}!