When asked “What is your type?” how do you answer? Probably with a height requirement (at least six-feet tall), build type (athletic but not on the Mitchell Report), ethnic/nationality preference (Prince of [insert tropical kingdom here]), and, of course, funny.
But this doesn’t really describe who you’re going to gel with, or what makes you laugh. It’s typically a physical description sprinkled with a few generic traits that are hard to identify without some time and investment, like “kind, self-supporting, and doesn’t exceed the personal baggage guidelines set by you and Delta.”
Don’t get me wrong – without chemistry, it ain’t gonna happen. And if he has traits you can’t get past, none of this applies (you finally remember why he looks so familiar and you’re a big fan of America’s Most Wanted.)
But I would like to suggest you get to know your suitor before dismissing him. Set your ground rules for comfort but try and skip all the physical details. Keep an open mind. [Author’s note: And I’m not just suggesting this because I am far from six-feet tall and even farther from a full head of hair, and I do carry plenty of baggage.]
I’m fairly certain the 29-dimensional analysis you hear advertised so often doesn’t determine how he interacts with children, treats a stranger, deals with stressful situations, if he listens when needed and responds when appropriate, if he’ll return extra change from a clerk who can’t add, or if he’ll go the extra mile for someone or something truly in need. You need to hear the stories and witness these events yourself, and that’s only going to happen over time.
Let’s face it, when dating someone you barely know, neither of you are yourselves or anywhere near your comfort zones, yet often that’s the stage where the determination is made to continue or move on. This may be one of the reasons why the reunion sites are so popular – connecting with old friends, for sure, but these guys are not strangers, there’s plenty to catch up on, and you’re no longer 15 wearing a night brace, insecure or worried about what others think. You actually know now what you didn’t know then.
Consider the people in your life today. Are there men that left a forgettable (or downright awful) first impression, but are now part of your inner circle? I don’t mean the persistent ones who wore you down; I mean people you connect with because of who they are. You may find they’re all different in appearance yet quite similar on the inside. If that’s the case, maybe you can start slowly the next time you meet someone instead of rushing to a verdict. And when you’re asked “Who’s your type?”, maybe your answer will be “I don’t have one, but I’ll know him when I know him.”
Be sure to check out more of Mike’s blog, ”Do I Amuse You?”
wow I am learning a lot thank you. And yes im one of those people who usually would say yeah six foot tall and athletic.