The agony of waiting by the phone is just the beginning.
Should your potential beau actually call, then you have to worry about avoiding awkward silences during dinner, how to determine who is going to pick up the tab and what to do when you arrive at your doorstep at the end of the night.
But sometimes the stars align despite these minefields and you find yourself in a burgeoning – gasp – relationship. And yet you still walk on eggshells while navigating all the firsts that can so easily derail a fledgling romance. Above all else, you don’t want to do the typical girl things that would freak him out.
But, at the same time, you know he lives off of take-out, frozen dinners and pasta-in-a-bag. Naturally, your domestic instincts kick in. This is someone you genuinely like—you want to feed him.
How do you know when it’s time for the first at-home dinner date? And, if he doesn’t run screaming for the hills when you broach the topic, what on earth should you cook?
Proposing the at-home dinner date too soon could have disastrous consequences, warns relationship expert Matt Titus, president of Matt’s Little Black Book.
“It’s going to make the guy feel pressured and uncomfortable if he isn’t ready,” Titus says. “It’s a nice simple gesture, but a guy could interpret it as pressure to be involved.”
This can backfire and make him go in the other direction, Titus adds. In other words: as far away from you as humanly possible.
Titus recommends waiting until you’ve been dating three months before asking him to dinner at your place. “There has to be a level of intimacy reached,” he says.
Once you’ve determined the time is right, experts say the optimum meal includes elements that are easy, classic, and, more likely than not, beef. In other words, you want to pick a no-frills menu that can be prepared mostly ahead of time.
“Guys are basically animals,” Titus says. Therefore, you really can’t go wrong with steak. A straightforward menu including a nice filet, a common vegetable, some great wine and a dessert is perfect in Titus’ book.
But what do professional chefs have to say?
Tasha Garcia Gibson, co-owner and co-chef of Little Giant in New York agrees with Titus that beef is the way to go. Most men really do like steak and potatoes, she says. She also agrees that ease is key to cooking him dinner for the first time.
This is especially true in a city like New York in which space is limited and you don’t have a lot of equipment on hand, she says.
“Do what you’re comfortable doing,” Gibson adds. “Even if it’s stuff you make again and again and just tweak each time. A repertoire that doesn’t stress you out makes it that much more enjoyable. Especially with a new relationship – that’s stressful, too.”
With that in mind, Gibson suggests braising a meat. “Braises are foolproof,” she says. “It’s almost impossible to overcook and it’s tender no matter what.”
And gratins make a good side dish, she says, especially in the fall using vegetables like potato, cauliflower or broccoli. A benefit of preparing a gratin is all the prep work is done in advance. It’s in the oven, bubbling away when he arrives.
Salad is another great side dish because you can toss it together at the last minute if you have all the ingredients chopped, prepared and ready to go, Gibson says.
Dessert should also be made ahead of time. Gibson says fall is a great time to make cobblers with fruits like apples and pears. Sometimes it’s fun to do a mini cobbler or one that’s just big enough for the two of you to share, she suggests.
While beef is a winner, it may not work if your guy has dietary restrictions. For those with dietary restrictions, pasta is a quick and easy option, says John Cordova, a poissonier (that’s a fish cook) at Le Bernardin, New York’s acclaimed four-star seafood restaurant.
Thirty Minute Meal guru, Rachael Ray, even has a recipe called, “You Won’t Be Single for Long Vodka Cream Pasta.”
And if you’re cooking for a vegetarian, Gibson suggests a warm grain salad incorporating farro or wheat berries along with winter squash, dried fruits and nuts.
But, perhaps more important than food or prep work, Titus says, “A woman should know that she is doing this guy a great service. It takes a lot of balls, having him over.”
“She should say, ‘I’m proud of myself,’ be confident and try not to be nervous.”
Should you need any inspiration for dessert…
Sassy Bean’s Come Hither Cheesecake
Sure, it takes a little elbow grease, but I’ve seen grown men practically weep like babies for more of this. (And you’ll probably get to keep the leftovers…)
Crust:
1 package of graham crackers (about 9), finely ground
6 tablespoons melted unsalted butter
1 tablespoon sugar
Cake:
3 8-ounce packages of cream cheese, softened
1 cup sugar
3 eggs, slightly beaten
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Optional:
1/2 cup whipping cream
4 teaspoons instant espresso powder or coffee powder
Or…2 1/2 teaspoons lemon zest
2 tablespoon fresh squeezed lemon juice
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
For crust: mix crumbs, melted butter and 1 tbsp. sugar together. Press into the bottom of an 8” springform pan and chill.
For cake: beat softened cream cheese and sugar until well blended. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each. Add vanilla.
If desired, add whipping cream and coffee powder for a cappuccino cheesecake OR lemon zest and lemon juice for a lemon cheesecake.
Pour into prepared pan. Bake for about an hour. Center should be set. Cool for 30 minutes and then chill for about 6 hours or overnight.
Sassy Bean’s Super-Easy, But So Decadent He’ll Think You Spent All Day in the Kitchen Flourless Chocolate Cake
(Don’t be afraid of the stiff peaks! They really do form! But make sure your bowl is really clean.)
16 ounces bittersweet chocolate (not unsweetened)
1 stick unsalted butter
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
5 eggs, separated
¼ teaspoon cream of tartar
cocoa powder or powdered sugar for sprinkling
Preheat oven to 375°F and butter an 8-inch round baking pan. Line bottom with wax paper. Butter paper.
In a double boiler or saucepan melt chocolate with butter, stirring, until smooth. Remove from heat and whisk sugar and vanilla into chocolate mixture. Add eggs yolks and whisk well.
In a large bowl, beat egg whites and cream of tartar until stiff peaks form. Fold whites into chocolate mixture. Transfer batter to prepared pan.
Bake until tester inserted into center comes out with crumbs attached, about 30 to 40 minutes. Cake will puff while baking, but will fall when you cool on a rack. Sprinkle with cocoa powder or powdered sugar if desired.
Lisa Lacy is a freelance writer living in New York City. Check out her fabulous Tasty Lacy’s baking blog!
