Here’s the bottom line: if you have to worry about a guy cheating on you when you’re not around, it’s time to start looking for another man. Excessive jealousy can poison even the best relationships, so if you’re with someone who doesn’t make you feel secure enough to trust him, move on.
But how do you separate suspicions that come from your own insecurities from hints that he may actually be cheating on you? There’s no way to know for sure unless you catch him, but these signs are a pretty good indicator that you have a cheater on your hands:
1. You have a gut feeling. Sure, feelings can be wrong, but it’s usually better to trust your intuition. Even if he’s not cheating on you, your gut suspicions could be a sign that you are just not ready to be in a relationship with this guy.
2. It’s Christmas in July. If he’s buying you lots of gifts “just because,” he could be trying to get rid of his guilt with material possessions. If it’s not your birthday, a holiday, or he claims he got a “bonus” that you never knew he was up for, he might be cheating on you.
3. He’s oversensitive. There are certain things he’s always been touchy about, but if he’s picking fights and constantly threatening to end the relationship over minor issues, there may be something else on his mind.
4. His tastes change. Maybe he was a huge Beatles fan when you met him, but these days he can’t stop listening to Kanye West. Or maybe he’s hated artichokes for the past five years, but suddenly he can’t get enough of those spiky rounds of goodness. If his tastes suddenly change without any obvious trigger, he could be trying to emulate the interests of his new flame.
5. He acts guilty when you do something nice. There’s a difference between “You didn’t need to do that!” and “I don’t deserve all the nice things you do for me.”
If you think that your guy is cheating on you, don’t take a wait-and-see approach; document hard evidence like strange credit card charges or inappropriate computer activity and confront him. If you don’t have access to those records, explain your feelings to him anyway, but realize that he may not think he is “caught” and try to lie his way through the situation. You may want to consider hiring a private investigator, or seeking counseling to help you deal with the situation.
5 Comments
I had a boyfriend who was cheating on me. I had to break into his email to find out. It was terrible. Thanks SassyBean.com for being so frank about this.
So often we women think “he won’t do that with me.” But most men who habitually cheat will continue to do so, no matter who they are with. Thanks SassyBean for reminding us to move on.
My guy used to sleep with his cell phone on him. Red Flag!! I needed proof though. I just looked for inconsistencies (sp) in his behavior. One Saturday night when he was acting a little off that day, not as attentive as usual, I checked up on him. I had calmly waited for the right time and we had just had a fantastic week. Sure enough,,,he didn’t come home that night. When I confronted him he tried to spin it into, “I’m just interested in someone, why can’t I see other people and still date you?” He realized I was getting too smart for just his regular lies...I was his soulmate the week before? lol.... It’s over.
I have a boyfriend who I have been with for 2 years now, and lately we have been butting heads a lot and he gets so defensive and picks the littlest fights. I realize that he has been out of a job for a long time, and that I know what it is I wanna do in life and he is still trying to find his passion but I am not sure if there is someone else or he is really just focused. And 2 out of the 5 possible cheating signs seems about right with him. I need help?!!
I’ve been with this guy since August 07. Everything was great I thought he was my soul mate. Now we spend less time together, weekends are out of the question now. I am sure he is cheating but I have no prove just my intuition. I feel like such a fool. Five years ago I was deeply hurt by my ex I even contracted a STD, since then I never had sex until now but I learnt my lesson back then and I NEVER have unprotected sex. I feel like my heart is breaking all over again, sometimes I am tempted to think something is wrong with me. Sometimes I want to say goodbye but its so hard. I cant believe I have found myself in this same situation again. He calls me at least twice daily, however there are times when I call and he doesnt answer his cell. I saw a text he sent to a girl telling her that he was unable to make it because he was sick. Yes he was sick, but why not call why text..he must have been in a situation where he couldnt talk.
I dont know how much longer I will be able to cope sometimes I just cry and cry.
I am not uneducated, i have a degree and a fairly good job, so why do I subject myself to this kind of treatment.