1. You’re not Eliot Spitzer
2. According to certain pleasure studies, chocolate is better than kissing – and it always satisfies and never disappoints, waffles on commitment or cheats
3. You’re not Eliot Spitzer’s wife, Silda, though I’m sure many can empathize – I can only imagine the stories she and Hillary will share together; actually, I don’t have to imagine, do I?
4. Being on this planet alone beats not being on this planet at all – ah, the ultimate truth; otherwise, you’d miss out on another glorious spring, watching David Cook win it all on American Idol (and catching his summer tour with Daughtry - it could happen!), and finally witnessing the end of Omarosa’s 15 minutes (I think we’re currently at 4 hours 45 minutes beyond the tolerable fame limit)
5. You’re not forever commemorated on a Girls Gone Wild DVD – and even if you are, no one in the press is desperately trying to identify you, like Eliot’s mistresses
6. When you don’t feel like exercising, laughing burns calories and it flexes your abs - so read something funny for at least 20 minutes a day, three times a week
7. Age and gravity affect everyone – even that young bitch he left you for; and age, gravity, the male prostate, faulty plumbing and Karma will take care of him
8. You’re still not Eliot Spitzer
9. You’ll always find help from your friends here at Sassy Bean
Be sure to check out more of Mike’s blog, ”Do I Amuse You?”
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