You’ve got it all: a career, a killer wardrobe, and a date for Friday night. All is right with the world, and you’re hoping it will be even “righter” if that first date turns into something more. But before you go, keep in mind a rule that can set the tone for an entire relationship: let your man pick up the check.
Forcing the guy to foot the bill may seem unfair, but quashing his chivalry could cost a lot more than cash—you may be sending him the message that you just want to be friends. Plus, letting your date pay for calamari and cocktails allows him to demonstrate his good manners, especially if he’s the one who asked you out.
“When a guy meets a girl he likes, he wants to show her a good time and treat her like someone special,” says Edwin Stanton, a sports copy editor in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. “When a woman pays her own way on a date, it’s like saying, ‘I’m not interested, so back off.’”
His wife Tiffany, a journalist, concurs. “It might be cliché, but if you like yourself – and see yourself as beautiful and worthy of pampering – then others will, too,” she says. “When a guy paid for dates, it let me know he thought I was worth it. It let me know how much he was willing to invest in our relationship, money or otherwise,” she says.
Many relationship experts agree that the man should pay for the date, if only to give him the opportunity to show off his chivalry. “We appreciate men who are smart, funny, and do nice things to make us feel special,” says LA Love Coach Athena Navarro. “We can’t appreciate a man who doesn’t value chivalry.”
But what happens when the relationship develops? Bill Aronson, an accountant in Washington, D.C, thinks that the woman should offer to pay by the third date. “This is 2007, and if a woman makes a good living, there’s no reason for her not to pay. I want someone who wants to treat me as often as I treat her,” he says.
Ultimately, whether or not you choose to pay for dates is up to you. But if your date sincerely wants to pick up the check, be careful of sending the wrong signal by pouring cold water on his attempt to be gallant. A girl that can assert her independence while still letting her date showcase his chivalry? Now that’s priceless.
