The Often Expected Though Not Entirely Fair Task List for Men
There are plenty of times where it is entirely reasonable you should expect men to be there: changing a tire, picking you up when stranded, being by your side for any personal events whether tragic or celebratory.
But for there are a few other certain situations where men are not always eager or even capable of providing a resolution, and I think you’re also aware of this yet still ask. Please don’t shoot the messenger.
- Kill that spider - Did you see the size of that thing? Believe it or not, they give us the creeps too. And we’re not all totally cool with this killing thing, either.
- What was that noise? Check it out! – Um, it’s 3 AM. Have you seen the basement? Have you ever seen a horror flick? I’m good right here, but don’t let me stop you.
- Did you see that guy checking me out? “Hey, jacka$$! My boyfriend’s gonna kick your a$$!” – Honey, he’s 6’ 9” and I’m pretty sure he used to play for the Raiders. How about I give him a really mean look? From a safer distance.
- Fetch me [insert your craving here] – Unless you’re pregnant, I believe you have me mistaken with your Personal Assistant.
- Do the following [insert errand here] – I believe you still have me confused with your PA. Besides, I should be offering before you have to ask.
- The power’s out, do something – I can assure you I haven’t earned a Master Electrician’s certification since I saw you this morning. I could check the breaker box, but it’s in the basement, and I think I’ve mentioned horror flicks. I could call the utility company, but the phone number is on the breaker box, which is in the basement. The best I can do is try and find the flashlight, but you know I’m eventually just going to ask you where it is because I never pay attention to where I leave anything. In fact, where are my keys?
- Rearrange my furniture – I’m all for Feng Shui, but I need to keep my back in harmony too.
- There’s a puddle, where’s your jacket? – First, it’s no longer the 19th century. In fact, a few years ago, we left the 20th. Besides, have you seen my closet? Do you think I actually have more than one? Do you know what water does to leather?
- Share your feelings – I’m hungry. Not what you meant? I’m really hungry. Sorry, I’m about as deep as that puddle (and you still can’t have my jacket).
- I’m cold and I didn’t bring a coat – Boy this is going to sound bad, but at the risk of repeating myself, did you see my closet? I only have this one. And we both know if I give mine up, I’m going to be cold, and then very cranky, and I’ll start to whine. And you being the loving, nurturing, clearly more resilient gender, will give it back. So instead of ruining our evening, let’s just skip ahead and leave it on me, and I won’t remind you what I suggested you grab before we left this evening, even if it didn’t match what you’re wearing.
- Attend [insert cultural event here] – Unless they’re serving beer, and not just at intermission between two 90-minute acts, I’m gonna have to pass.
- Answer [insert loaded question here] but be honest – Seriously? I know I look dumb but I’m going to have to plead the 5th on this one, your honor. Here, take my jacket.
I probably should have added the following disclaimer: Unless of course you haven’t slept together yet. Then, he’ll do just about anything. Chivalry isn’t quite dead, it’s just negotiable.
Be sure to check out more of Mike’s blog, ”Do I Amuse You?”
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Exactly why I don’t date!