Huffington Post
To Change Or Not To Change Your Name...That Is The Question...
By: Tamsen Fadal or Tamsen Titus?
As many of you know, Matt and I said “I do” exactly three weeks ago. With ninety members of our closest family and friends looking on, it was a gorgeous event at Tavern On The Green. We had an amazing time on our honeymoon and are settling in quite nicely to married life (Though, I really don’t feel any different? Am I supposed to?)
But now that I am back, I am faced with a question that doesn’t seem to go away. Once people says congratulations to me and ask about the honeymoon, the next question goes something like this, “Are you going to keep your name?” When I say yes, the reactions I am getting are mixed. When my parents were married, no one asked questions like this, perhaps because it wasn’t really an issue. The day my mother said “I do,” and her mother before her, it was automatically assumed that she was going to change her last name. But today, aside from picking out the color of bridesmaid dresses, the flavor of cake and the script on the invitations, brides have another decision to make: To change or not to change their name...that is the question.
I started to do a little research on the subject and came across a number of different reasons women do and don’t change their names, ranging from personal reasons to business considerations. What do you do if you are career woman who is known by her maiden name? Is it insulting to the man if you don’t take his name? Matt says he is not insulted at all and completely understands that I have built my career around a part of my identity that was around long before he was. But I wonder if deep down that is really how he feels. One article I came across said all women should change their names when they get married and that it is a “slap to marriage” when they don’t! It went on to say that any woman who rejects her husband’s name is saying “I marry the person I love, but I can end it anytime I feel like it.” But, the woman who takes her husband’s name is saying, “I love the person I marry, and I have a commitment.” Is this really the case? Are all of us who are not taking our husbands last names actually “slapping them in the face” at the altar? It didn’t seem like I had slapped him when after we said I do; in fact, he kissed me. And, I certainly don’t feel like I can end our marriage anytime I feel like it just because I don’t use his last name. And, what if I take his last name in my personal life, but not in my professional life? Does this mean I will only feel like “I can end it” when I am at the office and at home “I have a commitment?”
So, what is the answer? Do I change it altogether despite the years I have spend using my maiden name? Do I use my maiden name in my professional life and hyphenate in my personal life? Or, do I do what Madonna and Cher did to avoid the anxiety altogether?
I Now Introduce To You: Mr. Matt FADAL (?)
By: Matt Titus
As I threw Tamsen over my shoulder and took her into our brand new cave on our wedding night, I took great pleasure in knowing that my bride was Mrs. Matt Titus. Yeah, right! It was more like Tamsen telling me that after 12 years of branding herself to her viewers as Tamsen Fadal, the best she could do was Tamsen Fadal-Titus (only on our checks!). She also informed me that this was a massive compromise on her part because she was considering asking me to take her last name. Hmm, Matt Fadal . . . I don’t particularly like that. But, I would like to take this opportunity to stroll down gender reversal lane and try to walk a block in her Jimmy Choos in order to get a sense what all the fuss about changing names is about.
Between the ring, the merging of the bank accounts and the new pronouns “us, we and they,” losing the identity of my name of 40 years might be enough to throw me over the ledge. Not to mention, the daunting task of changing my identity on paper and plastic, as well as training myself to say my new full name in a fluid manner without sounding like Forrest Gump. What an unappealing task.
Oh boy, I am starting to get the picture of what these lovely new brides must go through. Especially those women who have built their careers around a powerful name like-- Tamsen Fadal (I am so whipped)!
So what’s up with these men giving women a hard time about changing their names? And, who cares what she’s calling herself as long as she’s your life partner?
